The next time I say or think that statement to myself, Im going to instantly repent... and hopefully LAUGH at my own foolishness out in the open.
Understanding IS awesome... and I think thats why the Lord gives us little glimpes of it. When I work full time, I can sympathize with my roommate or friends or future husband when he comes home tired. When I have children, I can sympathize with the new mothers not getting any time to get things done... But I will never be able to fully understand. AND I will NEVER EVER be able to understand the suffering my Savior went through on the cross... the rejection, the pain, the physical torture, the alienation from God. No wonder we were destined for trials- so we can have the tiniest glimpse of pain producing true APPRECIATION.
I was able to go for a run this evening (Praise God- seriously, nothing recharges me and fires me up to keep going quite like it. I really feel like God speaks to me as I run...) and the Lord just flooded me with conviction. I have been going around telling everyone who will listen-(complaining) 'Well I have been having to wake up at 5 am! And not get much sleep and then work hard all day without a break...'
STOP and think Vanesa! About my boyfriend who went like a week getting 2-3 hrs of sleep, my roommate who didn't sleep at ALL last night, John and Jamie not getting any sleep because of crying babies from 2-5 am, my poor sweet MOTHER who never sleeps through the night because of her back pain...
Its such a popular lie of the devil- he really wants us to think that we are by ourselves and no one has it as bad off as we do- self pity... We pity ourselves and we think, if they only truly understood my situation, they would pity me too! I have it so much harder than they do... they don't even understand what its like. When we ALL have trials, whatever the age, whatever the season- EVERY human has a 'hard' life. "I have seen the burden God has laid upon man..." (Ecc) I was talking to a friend whos mom thinks that they have the perfect life... I wonder how many times people have looked and me and thought that...
The devil wants us to put ourselves on a pedestal- whether its in how great we have it or how hard we have it- EITHER one is a lie.
"When they compare themselves by themselves- they are unwise!" -2 Cor 10:12
Forgive me Lord!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
EXPOSED!
Been contemplating the Genesis account of nakedness and shame...
"Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." (Hebrews 4:13)
"Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed." (John 3:20)
"But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." (Ephesians 5:13-15) Shine on me Lord!
"So now I will expose her lewdness before the eyes of her lovers; no one will take her out of my hands." (Hosea 2:10)
Its amazing how self righteousness keeps you from understanding and appreciating the gospel... The gospel exposes you for what you are- a WRETCHED sinner! I have become astutely aware of my own wretchedness recently. Its amazing that I wasn't really so aware before! I thought I was allright...
Even I was thinking as I was praying... And this thought actually crossed my mind. Wow- is God even hearing my prayer because of my sin? Or has this seperated me and kept him from hearing my prayers? The TRUTH, the GOSPEL is that my sin ALWAYS seperates me from him and keeps him from hearing my prayers. The ONLY way I can come before the throne of a perfect God (and with boldness according to Heb 4:16!) is because of the blood of Christ. How bout when I think, 'I should fast and pray about that.' Thinking that somehow, me fasting will make God hear me more, or cause him to act more because of my performance pleasing Him. Heb 5:7 says that when Jesus prayed, His prayers were heard because of His reverent submission! Im so glad that MY prayers are heard because of HIS reverent submission!
Jordan has given me a newfound love and appreciation for the Psalms- He has helped me read them with a gospel perspective! Because David OFTEN refers to his own righteousness works, deeds, clean hands, etc. Or blessed is the righteous man... I used to foolishly think somehow I could apply those to myself! That I was the righteous man and not the wicked man... even I grew up reciting Psalm 1. I am not the righteous man- Christ is.... I am the wicked man!!! But because of God's great love, there was a SUBSTITUTION of the righteous for the wicked. And PRAISE BE TO GOD that now... because of Christ all of Gods promises are YES to me through Him!!! All those Psalms speaking of what benefits and security the righteous man have- those are mine! How can you not love the gospel? How can I keep from singing his praise?
"Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." (Hebrews 4:13)
"Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed." (John 3:20)
"But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." (Ephesians 5:13-15) Shine on me Lord!
"So now I will expose her lewdness before the eyes of her lovers; no one will take her out of my hands." (Hosea 2:10)
Its amazing how self righteousness keeps you from understanding and appreciating the gospel... The gospel exposes you for what you are- a WRETCHED sinner! I have become astutely aware of my own wretchedness recently. Its amazing that I wasn't really so aware before! I thought I was allright...
Even I was thinking as I was praying... And this thought actually crossed my mind. Wow- is God even hearing my prayer because of my sin? Or has this seperated me and kept him from hearing my prayers? The TRUTH, the GOSPEL is that my sin ALWAYS seperates me from him and keeps him from hearing my prayers. The ONLY way I can come before the throne of a perfect God (and with boldness according to Heb 4:16!) is because of the blood of Christ. How bout when I think, 'I should fast and pray about that.' Thinking that somehow, me fasting will make God hear me more, or cause him to act more because of my performance pleasing Him. Heb 5:7 says that when Jesus prayed, His prayers were heard because of His reverent submission! Im so glad that MY prayers are heard because of HIS reverent submission!
Jordan has given me a newfound love and appreciation for the Psalms- He has helped me read them with a gospel perspective! Because David OFTEN refers to his own righteousness works, deeds, clean hands, etc. Or blessed is the righteous man... I used to foolishly think somehow I could apply those to myself! That I was the righteous man and not the wicked man... even I grew up reciting Psalm 1. I am not the righteous man- Christ is.... I am the wicked man!!! But because of God's great love, there was a SUBSTITUTION of the righteous for the wicked. And PRAISE BE TO GOD that now... because of Christ all of Gods promises are YES to me through Him!!! All those Psalms speaking of what benefits and security the righteous man have- those are mine! How can you not love the gospel? How can I keep from singing his praise?
Sunday, June 7, 2009
The Idols of My Heart
John Calvin says- "The human heart is an idol factory." We were made to worship!
Jeremiah 4:10-13 says- "My people have committed 2 sins. They have forsaken me, the fountain of pure water, and dug for themselves broken cisterns that cannot hold any water at all."
So many times we look to other things apart from Christ for our satisfaction and joy. The temporal is so tempting. So many times we buy the lie that this will fill us and bring us the happiness we long for.
Its interesting how all the idols are similar for most of us. I feel like most of mine are very common to most WOMEN in this culture. These are not on the throne of my life- God is! Glory to Him- but they do raise their head at times to try and usurp his authority, rule, and throne. They want my heart, they want my affection, my time, and my satisfaction.
Some of the things that I personally need to be on guard against from becoming idols in my life:
Physical Appearance/Beauty- Especially in my family- this is a huge priority among the women and very emphasized by my mom, sister, grandma, etc. I wonder if its in the Jewish identity...)
Exercise- Most people have to discipline themselves to exercise... I have to discipline myself NOT to exercise... I would rather spend my time training for a triathlon than using my time some other way. I truly love it, my mind loves it, and my body loves it. One day- prescription of it will be the basis of my career... Its good for me, but I really need to make sure that it is a form of rest that recharges me and helps me love God more and serve Him better.)
Food- YUM. May this be a pleasure that causes me to love and appreciate God more... not a pleasure in the sake of it, as an end in itself.
Shopping/Clothes/Money- Yes. I can enjoy shopping for the glory of God- IF I have the money... ;) The Lord is really working on me here. I remember as a child getting a horrific haircut a few days before I was supposed to start at a brand new school in the 9th grade... I was balling and my mom took me shopping 'because it makes everything better.' (not to in any way blame my precious and most amazing mother!) Now what happens if I have a bad day? Is my refuge in the storm going shopping, or is it Jesus Christ?
Sleep- I love getting 8 hours of sleep... ;) Praise God he made us to rest AND that I have a gift of being ABLE to fall asleep and sleep when most people cannot. But may I not neglect things or be lazy or avoid facing things by sleeping instead.
Independence/Autonomy- This is a HUGE one for me... and why marriage scares me so bad. I like to go where I want, do what I want, when I want to do it. I like that my time is my own and I can somewhat control it. It can really be the epitome of selfishness.
Relational Intimacy/Connectedness- This can be with a man/desire for marriage, or just in relationships with people. I have a really high value on communicating with people and I really value deep close friendship and relationships. What a great gift! But if I don't have it, what then? Can I rejoice not in this, but that my name is written in the lamb's book of life?
FUN- This is another one I think I struggle with more than most. I really value having fun. God made me with personality and a love for laughter and a good time. This also really runs in my family. No one can throw a better party than my sister... we love it. I love enjoying life. What happens when you get in the way of me having fun? When serving you is infringing on my good time? When you aren't entertaining me or making me laugh?? Will I grumble? Will I seek someone elses company? Go on to the next best thing? Find something more fun- the next big thrill?
Glory to God- these are all good things!!! I worship him for these things! I thank him for them. It would be ludicrous to try and say they are bad. But....
"When a good thing becomes a God thing- It becomes a bad thing."
Lord- by your grace ALONE may I thank you for these things but not worship them. May I see them as gifts and not needs. May they be considered loss for the surpassing greatness of knowing you!
Jeremiah 4:10-13 says- "My people have committed 2 sins. They have forsaken me, the fountain of pure water, and dug for themselves broken cisterns that cannot hold any water at all."
So many times we look to other things apart from Christ for our satisfaction and joy. The temporal is so tempting. So many times we buy the lie that this will fill us and bring us the happiness we long for.
Its interesting how all the idols are similar for most of us. I feel like most of mine are very common to most WOMEN in this culture. These are not on the throne of my life- God is! Glory to Him- but they do raise their head at times to try and usurp his authority, rule, and throne. They want my heart, they want my affection, my time, and my satisfaction.
Some of the things that I personally need to be on guard against from becoming idols in my life:
Physical Appearance/Beauty- Especially in my family- this is a huge priority among the women and very emphasized by my mom, sister, grandma, etc. I wonder if its in the Jewish identity...)
Exercise- Most people have to discipline themselves to exercise... I have to discipline myself NOT to exercise... I would rather spend my time training for a triathlon than using my time some other way. I truly love it, my mind loves it, and my body loves it. One day- prescription of it will be the basis of my career... Its good for me, but I really need to make sure that it is a form of rest that recharges me and helps me love God more and serve Him better.)
Food- YUM. May this be a pleasure that causes me to love and appreciate God more... not a pleasure in the sake of it, as an end in itself.
Shopping/Clothes/Money- Yes. I can enjoy shopping for the glory of God- IF I have the money... ;) The Lord is really working on me here. I remember as a child getting a horrific haircut a few days before I was supposed to start at a brand new school in the 9th grade... I was balling and my mom took me shopping 'because it makes everything better.' (not to in any way blame my precious and most amazing mother!) Now what happens if I have a bad day? Is my refuge in the storm going shopping, or is it Jesus Christ?
Sleep- I love getting 8 hours of sleep... ;) Praise God he made us to rest AND that I have a gift of being ABLE to fall asleep and sleep when most people cannot. But may I not neglect things or be lazy or avoid facing things by sleeping instead.
Independence/Autonomy- This is a HUGE one for me... and why marriage scares me so bad. I like to go where I want, do what I want, when I want to do it. I like that my time is my own and I can somewhat control it. It can really be the epitome of selfishness.
Relational Intimacy/Connectedness- This can be with a man/desire for marriage, or just in relationships with people. I have a really high value on communicating with people and I really value deep close friendship and relationships. What a great gift! But if I don't have it, what then? Can I rejoice not in this, but that my name is written in the lamb's book of life?
FUN- This is another one I think I struggle with more than most. I really value having fun. God made me with personality and a love for laughter and a good time. This also really runs in my family. No one can throw a better party than my sister... we love it. I love enjoying life. What happens when you get in the way of me having fun? When serving you is infringing on my good time? When you aren't entertaining me or making me laugh?? Will I grumble? Will I seek someone elses company? Go on to the next best thing? Find something more fun- the next big thrill?
Glory to God- these are all good things!!! I worship him for these things! I thank him for them. It would be ludicrous to try and say they are bad. But....
"When a good thing becomes a God thing- It becomes a bad thing."
Lord- by your grace ALONE may I thank you for these things but not worship them. May I see them as gifts and not needs. May they be considered loss for the surpassing greatness of knowing you!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Its June and Im THANKFUL
I am so very thankful for my trip to Honduras!
I am also very thankful to live in America, where we surround ourselves with comfort to the max.
It was almost humorous to me when I entered Dulles airport and found myself freezing from the excessive A/C. We have comforts on top of comforts. And just the INDEPENDENCE to do whatever I want all the time... I want Starbucks? OK- lets go get in my personal, air conditioned vehicle and go buy one. I find myself eating such variety (compared to 3 daily meals of beans and rice) and just in AWE of how gourmet my diet is- literally! It literally has been odd going around, resuming life, after being surrounded by poverty. God is working in my heart and I love it.
My roommate for the trip, Meredith, sums it up well in her blog:
"While I was taking it the beauty of this trip, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt that I have the opportunity to travel to these amazing places. Most Hondurans probably have not even seen the beauty of the islands in their own country. Before I left for Honduras, my grandma made a comment that she is glad we have these opportunities because when she was growing up, driving an hour to Richmond was really something big. It hit me in the gut. How do I reconcile all of my opportunities with the fact that other people don’t have the same options? Where is the balance between enjoying these gifts and not feeling the need to justify them?
I’ve been reading through Ecclesiastes and trying to understand these verses as I reconcile the the things I love such as traveling and dancing with burden I feel to spend my time doing things that aren’t so self-serving."
My mentor sent me an email over a year ago that really has stuck with me!!! She says:
"Comforts are not satantic, but there are satanic comforts. Think about it this way, pick something in your mind, I’ll use sex as an example—sex between me and my husband is good in God’s eyes. Sex between two unmarried people, not good; rape—NOT GOOD. Should we abstain from sex because it can be abused or can be something some people stumble with? No. There is even a time when Peter warns that in the last days “godly” people will tell you to abstain from sex and food. That is against God’s glory, not for it. Other examples: Rest—created by God! Sabbath, ahhh, rest from work. Laziness, bad. Friendship, yeah that was God’s idea too! How refreshing that can be to my soul! Trusting in men rather than God, bad. Hiking in the woods? Yes, I do that to the glory of God. Sex, yes—within marriage, my sex life is relaxing, fun, pleasurable, and brings great comfort to my soul, and my body…all to the glory of God! Food, feasting, dinner parties, brunches, tea parties…you name it, these too can bring glory to God, and Jesus Himself was a partaker in many a feast and dinner party. Feasting of course has its place, gluttony does not—we are to be good stewards of these bodies. Having a home? God knows our needs, He knows what we are made of, shelter is important to Him, and a home in which we can be hospitable, this is important to Him too. Working out? Excellent! Being obsessed with my image? Horrible. I hope this is enough to show that many good things can be abused, but being comfortable is not a sin—unless our comfort is found outside of Him. So how do we obtain that “unshakeable confidence that the joy we have tasted in Christ will not disappoint us in death." Be in His Word. Pray about Joy, about desires, etc. Thanksgiving—spend some time each day in genuine thanksgiving, read John 15:11, 17:13, Hebrews 13:14, And then Psalm 57 –ask yourself, what was David thankful for, when, and how did he express it? Note: the Hebrew word translated “lovingkindness” really means “covenant loyalty love.” Then read ? Psalm 69, and focus on vs. 30-32. What does thanksgiving do to your heart?"
I had a seriously phenomenal walk with a dear friend yesterday (gonna dub it the encouraging walk)... ;) We were talking about how gratitude is like our sword at the devil. When he throws something at us, and we are like THANK YOU because I know God is going to use that for my good. What does that do to the devil? Can you imagine everything you tried to use to discourage someone they thanked you for it???
Colossians 4:2 "Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving..." And Philippians 4- "Rejoice always, and again I say to you- rejoice!"
HOWEVER... while I do think that gratitude is the answer for the MANY gifts I have been given. (O Lord may I never complain about one single thing! Seriously. SICK- how dare I?) I also pray that my eyes would not only see and give thanks.... but joyfully SHARE the numerous blessings with those around me. True gratitude I think says- I have been blessed beyond belief. WOW. Praise God... I WANT to share because I have way more than I need. Not because I feel guilty that God has chosen to bless me, but because I have such a great GIFT! How great a salvation! I think its the same principle with evangelism... I dont understand why God sovereignly chose to save me! But I dont share with others out of guilt because I have been given that gift, but I share because Im overflowing with thanksgiving.
Right now I am. Remind me and encourage me when Im not!
There was a spanish billboard in the airport on a layover of the radical Chi (sp?) that said:
If Im going forward, follow me. If I stop moving- push me forward, and if I go backward, kill me. I feel like that in a way. May I never go backward, and when I slow, please push me with reminders.
PS- Speaking of spanish, I have already forgotten a lot of espanol. ;( YIKES.
I am also very thankful to live in America, where we surround ourselves with comfort to the max.
It was almost humorous to me when I entered Dulles airport and found myself freezing from the excessive A/C. We have comforts on top of comforts. And just the INDEPENDENCE to do whatever I want all the time... I want Starbucks? OK- lets go get in my personal, air conditioned vehicle and go buy one. I find myself eating such variety (compared to 3 daily meals of beans and rice) and just in AWE of how gourmet my diet is- literally! It literally has been odd going around, resuming life, after being surrounded by poverty. God is working in my heart and I love it.
My roommate for the trip, Meredith, sums it up well in her blog:
"While I was taking it the beauty of this trip, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt that I have the opportunity to travel to these amazing places. Most Hondurans probably have not even seen the beauty of the islands in their own country. Before I left for Honduras, my grandma made a comment that she is glad we have these opportunities because when she was growing up, driving an hour to Richmond was really something big. It hit me in the gut. How do I reconcile all of my opportunities with the fact that other people don’t have the same options? Where is the balance between enjoying these gifts and not feeling the need to justify them?
I’ve been reading through Ecclesiastes and trying to understand these verses as I reconcile the the things I love such as traveling and dancing with burden I feel to spend my time doing things that aren’t so self-serving."
My mentor sent me an email over a year ago that really has stuck with me!!! She says:
"Comforts are not satantic, but there are satanic comforts. Think about it this way, pick something in your mind, I’ll use sex as an example—sex between me and my husband is good in God’s eyes. Sex between two unmarried people, not good; rape—NOT GOOD. Should we abstain from sex because it can be abused or can be something some people stumble with? No. There is even a time when Peter warns that in the last days “godly” people will tell you to abstain from sex and food. That is against God’s glory, not for it. Other examples: Rest—created by God! Sabbath, ahhh, rest from work. Laziness, bad. Friendship, yeah that was God’s idea too! How refreshing that can be to my soul! Trusting in men rather than God, bad. Hiking in the woods? Yes, I do that to the glory of God. Sex, yes—within marriage, my sex life is relaxing, fun, pleasurable, and brings great comfort to my soul, and my body…all to the glory of God! Food, feasting, dinner parties, brunches, tea parties…you name it, these too can bring glory to God, and Jesus Himself was a partaker in many a feast and dinner party. Feasting of course has its place, gluttony does not—we are to be good stewards of these bodies. Having a home? God knows our needs, He knows what we are made of, shelter is important to Him, and a home in which we can be hospitable, this is important to Him too. Working out? Excellent! Being obsessed with my image? Horrible. I hope this is enough to show that many good things can be abused, but being comfortable is not a sin—unless our comfort is found outside of Him. So how do we obtain that “unshakeable confidence that the joy we have tasted in Christ will not disappoint us in death." Be in His Word. Pray about Joy, about desires, etc. Thanksgiving—spend some time each day in genuine thanksgiving, read John 15:11, 17:13, Hebrews 13:14, And then Psalm 57 –ask yourself, what was David thankful for, when, and how did he express it? Note: the Hebrew word translated “lovingkindness” really means “covenant loyalty love.” Then read ? Psalm 69, and focus on vs. 30-32. What does thanksgiving do to your heart?"
I had a seriously phenomenal walk with a dear friend yesterday (gonna dub it the encouraging walk)... ;) We were talking about how gratitude is like our sword at the devil. When he throws something at us, and we are like THANK YOU because I know God is going to use that for my good. What does that do to the devil? Can you imagine everything you tried to use to discourage someone they thanked you for it???
Colossians 4:2 "Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving..." And Philippians 4- "Rejoice always, and again I say to you- rejoice!"
HOWEVER... while I do think that gratitude is the answer for the MANY gifts I have been given. (O Lord may I never complain about one single thing! Seriously. SICK- how dare I?) I also pray that my eyes would not only see and give thanks.... but joyfully SHARE the numerous blessings with those around me. True gratitude I think says- I have been blessed beyond belief. WOW. Praise God... I WANT to share because I have way more than I need. Not because I feel guilty that God has chosen to bless me, but because I have such a great GIFT! How great a salvation! I think its the same principle with evangelism... I dont understand why God sovereignly chose to save me! But I dont share with others out of guilt because I have been given that gift, but I share because Im overflowing with thanksgiving.
Right now I am. Remind me and encourage me when Im not!
There was a spanish billboard in the airport on a layover of the radical Chi (sp?) that said:
If Im going forward, follow me. If I stop moving- push me forward, and if I go backward, kill me. I feel like that in a way. May I never go backward, and when I slow, please push me with reminders.
PS- Speaking of spanish, I have already forgotten a lot of espanol. ;( YIKES.
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