I am filled with such mixture of emotions that writing might be extraordinarily helpful right now... I am so thankful for Christ, hope, and the MANY blessings of this season. It does seem like we are being hit with trial after trial, and I am coming up lacking, immature, gold filled with dross- unpurified, weak, and foolish. Even my repentance and faith- so shallow! What an exciting exchange that changes all that I am with the perfect submission, obedience, worship, and purity of Jesus Christ! Glory to God for the gospel.
This ASK Pastor John was encouraging to me: http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/MediaPlayer/3582/Audio/
Right now, I sit at home with a sinus infection, thoracic outlet symptoms, and Raynauds disease (all new!), wrestling with my own wicked heart and the James 4 desires that rage within me regarding my PT program and "investment" there... longing for submission to Christ, obedience, and true lasting repentance that actually makes me change and respond when I am convicted. Writing an email not to please men or just keep the peace/playcate people, but wanting my heart to be submission, not to be motivated to do it for my own end and benefit. O Wretched female that I am, who will rescue me from this body of death?
THANKS BE TO GOD, through Christ! Look to Christ! My sinful motives have been atones for by Another. Jesus died for all these sins! Jesus, the one who passed every test, who was tempted in every way but never sinned has stood in my place to be punished on my behalf. God forgives me and will help me, not because I am sinless but because He is merciful! Look to Christ, look to Christ. He is my perfection, my certainty and security in this season of unknowns (especially this week! I find out about redoing my case study/my continuing with PT, Jordan interviews for a job in Richmond, and we find out if he got into the masters program that would have us in China!)
The verses that come to mind are about serious trial and I feel guilty for even finding comfort in them! Its like this is such a small trial!! The outrage and pride for me to complain- I am still SO blessed, so provided for, have the gift of a wonderful husband to laugh with and encourage us both to perservere... but yet I think... though the fig tree may not blossom, yet I will praise Him. ;) IF only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men!
O GOD YOU ARE SO GOOD! I will glory in my Redeemer... whos priceless blood has ransomed me. Mine was the sin that drove the bitter nails and hung him on that judgement tree. I will glory in my Redeemer who crushed the power of sin and death. My only Savior before a Holy Judge- the lamb who is my righteousness.
Lord please help me put my faith in action and believe and act upon what I know! I will glory in my Redeemer. My life he bought, my love he OWNS. I have no longings for another- Im satisfied in Him alone. (Lord make this true of me!) I will glory my Redeemer- His faithfulness my standing place... tho foes are mighty and rush upon me, my feet are firm held by his grace!
O God- I am in desperate need of you. Remind me, tell me in your Word again and again! Thank you for putting me in an age where I have the whole counsel of your Truth as a constant reminder and never let me ignore it or try to go without it. Draw me close, never let go...
2 comments:
So glad to see your first post of 2010 and so glad to share in your time of preaching to yourself! I preach to myself constantly and highly recommend it to everyone. Just finished reading an Elisabeth Eliott book, so, of course, I was thinking about you. If I had to sum the book up in a few words I'd say, "Offer everything up to Jesus as a gift, including your suffering." Ah, offering everything up with you today!
要照顧身體歐~保重.................................................................
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