Not an analogy NOR will this make any sense.

The Lord is growing me by leaps and bounds. I feel like He is BLOWING my mind beyond belief lately. Seriously. Being expanded. I mean BLOWING my mind. Praise HIM!!!!

Who knows what will happen or what is going on but I am so thankful for the Lord and the fact that He is Sovereign and good and true and Holy and that he created me female... that he knows the times set for me and that they are in His hands. I am so thankful for His Holy Spirit- for conviction!

Today I only have one class scheduled and I decided not to go to it and just spend the day getting some work done. I have done no school work since arising this morning about 3 hours ago. Nor have I eaten or left my room or gotten out from under the covers. HAHHAHAHHA
Its 57 degrees in our house (hello frugal Asian roommate and no heat yet. Love you Yvonne!)

First I have been reading Elizabeth Elliots book on discipline and its BY FAR my favorite book of all time I think. Its amazing. She is amazing.
I love the spontaneous outbursts of WHOA that come out of my mouth as I read.

So what is really blowing my mind this morning is Ephesians.... currently reading it in the ESV and its so different!!!! I mean NIV its like I disengage my brain a little.... because I memorized like the first 3 chapters a few years ago.... I don't really remember it to say it to you now but its just like it doesn't sink in. I read over it and its like yeah yeah.... know that... if that makes any sense. But now reading it in ESV its so different!

I love chapter 5 verse 9... this doesn't even sound familiar to me.... like what does that correlate to in NIV? I have no idea. "for the fruit of the light is found in all that is good and right and true."
AMEN! wow- I love that!

and then the next verse (10)- Paul says to the Ephesians "try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord!"
It is discernment needed!!! Sometimes I think that I should just know what is the right thing. That if I was truly abiding in Christ that it would be easy. But I think me constantly trying to figure out what is right is okay- I need discernment to KNOW what pleases Him in the minor details of life that aren't neccessarily Biblical commands. May I please You in all LORD!

Or how about 4:29? This was the theme verse of our house when I lived in North Carolina. We called it the encouraging house. I have that memorized in NIV but its also missing a little phrase..."Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up, AS FITS THE OCCASION, that it may give grace to those who hear. "
Appropriateness in context. Definitely am convicted here. SOmetimes I may give encouragement to build someone up but it may not be fitting the occasion/context. Forgive me Lord! Set guard over my mouth and my speech!!! May it bring you glory always!

4:4.... the hope that BELONGS TO OUR CALL??? What does that mean?

"But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift. Therefore it says: 'when he ascended on high he led a host of captives and he gave gifts to men."
AMEN.

How bout Paul's beautiful prayer in chapter 3. It has always been one of my favorite passages of Scripture of all time. But again- slightly different. Check out verse 18 especially. "that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have the strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth (END) and to know the love of Christ that surpasses all knowledge so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Do u see that? Its like that we may comprehend what is the breadth and length and height and depth.... thats it. NIV says that we may comprehend the breadth and depth and width of HIS LOVE. By putting that and before knowing the love of Christ it totally changes it doesn't it?? What I might comprehend what IS the breadth and depth.

I know this will probably not make any sense. Nor do I really care.
Holy fire, burn away- my desire for anything that is not of you and is of me. I want more of you and less of me.
OK. I REALLY should get some work done now. ;)
o man.

Preach it Elizabeth

"Things are given to us to enjoy for awhile. Nothing has done more damage to the Christian view of life than the hideous notion that those who are spiritual have lost all interest in this world and its beauties. The Bible says, 'God... endow us richly with all things to enjoy. It also says, 'do not set your hearts on the godless world or anything in it.' It is altogether fitting and proper that we should enjoy things made for us to enjoy. What is not at all fitting or proper is that we should set our hearts on them. Temporal things must be received as temporal things- received, given thanks for, offered back, but enjoyed." -Elizabeth Elliot

Worship

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." -Romans 12:1

Last week, I was challenged by a dynamic man of God to think about making apple pies as an act of worship. What a cool mental picture that was. What a challenge to me!

Tonight I had a fat dance party with my roommate trying to WARM ourselves up in our frigid home. I put together a dynamic jamming playlist, grabbed my hip scarf and we started dancing. ;) We were able to not only raise our body temperatures BUT, believe it or not, actually raise the house temperature by two degrees. ;) But that is besides the point...

Point is, as I looked at Yvonne- I just knew that in her heart she was praising God and she was truly worshipping Him through her dancing. It all comes back to the heart and my heart was not there... and the Lord showed it to me.

I read in Jerry Bridges book 'Respectable Sins' that our biggest sin is just a purvasive ungodliness- going through life without constantly thinking of God. Ungodliness is at the root of every other sin we struggle with.
"Do we consciously and prayerfully seek His glory in all we say and do in our most ordinary activities of the day? Or do we actually go about these activities with little or no thought of God?"

Lord may the way I dance, cook, jog, sit in class... all be an act of worship to you.
Change my HEART O God!!

O TASTE AND SEE THAT THE LORD IS GOOD!!!

Last night I went out to dinner with a sweet single friend of mine and she requested prayer for contentment in her singlehood. We talked about the fact that she was a non-dater like me and she was always content UNTIL she started dating. After knowing what it was like- now it is much harder for her to stay content. She has been there and knows how good it feels.

I just see this phenomenon in a few areas...
Been talking to a B-O-Y (whoa) recently and each 'taste' I get of talking to him or hanging out with him makes me want to do it more. I hang up or leave and am already ready for more. Or who am I kidding when I say- I just want to TASTE this dessert? Of course once I taste it I crave more!

God you are good!! I have tasted and I have seen! I have tasted the GIFT of you! And the sweetness of your WORD! O Lord may I never settle for anything less palatable!

"It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace. "
-Hebrews 6:4-6

ALSO... why is it that in the two areas noted above- I am constantly trying to restrain myself... and diminish my craving for more. Hold back from sending an email or getting a second portion of dessert. Lord you are the ONLY thing that I can desire unsatiably and it is good for me to do so! Yet that seems like it is the one desire that is naturally suppressed. I definitely don't have to work hard at holding myself back- if anything I have to work hard at truly desiring you. Lord change my heart! Change my desires! circumcize my heart! Increase my desire for you! Remind me of your taste! Exalt yourself above all!

Obviously this practice needs to happen more in my life

This summer I went to Alaska for 2 weeks. Email was sparse 'up there in Alaska' ;) and I accidentally left my cell phone in Virginia for the duration of that trip... ;)

Usually I love that... it is like leaving your leash at home and being fully present where you are and who you are with.

HOWEVER. Last night I had decided to be sans-electronic communication for the day today.... give my thumbs a break from all the texting and be more focused. This morning I woke up and deliberately did not check my email and promptly turned my cell phone to OFF. Today in class during breaks, I didn't know if someone had left me a voicemail or not... I figured everything could wait until 4:00...

The truth is though- it was SO difficult today! What? 10 hours without a cell phone? WOW.

And there are so many factors so I really debated which analogy to pull out here.
One- it was because I was looking forward to hearing from someone in particular. ;) It changes a lot. (Lord let me crave your presence and Word with such eager expectation!)

Second is because I wasn't enjoying myself in class today like I was enjoying myself in Alaska... sometimes we can totally use it as an escape from the current circumstances.(Lord remind me the secret of being content wherever I am!)

Thirdly is the fact that I had brought the phone to class with me even though it was turned off! It was sitting right there and even though I had told myself I wasn't turning it on today- it was a true temptation. It DEFINITELY would have been easier to have just left it at home or in my car. In Alaska I didn't really have a choice. (Lord may I not subject myself foolishly to temptation!)

That last thought on steering clear of tempting circumstances is something I heard recently in a sermon on legalism. It definitely is easier to just remove all forms of temptation than to have to rely on God for his grace... It also helps me feel better about myself because Im not daily confronted with my wretchedness and how quickly I can fall! The laws and rules and 'do not' safegaurds of the Old Testament are almost easier than depending on God's grace!
(Not to say in any way that I need to foolishly place ourselves in tempting circumstances!!!)

Father I need thee every hour. Thank you for redeeming me from the curse of the law!

Racing in my own lane

"We will not boast beyond measure but within the limits of the sphere that God appointed...." (2 Cor 10:13)

Pastor Rodney Finch expounded this verse by explaining that this could be referring to a familiar analogy of the time. The Corinthians loved the races... and held all the famous games in Corinth. Limits of the sphere likely refers to the lanes alloted for the runners of the race. Paul is saying- I am running in my own lane and not someone elses. And the lane that I am running in is appointed by God.
I am focused on my own calling and my sphere of influence.

Vanesa- this person is doing this and this person is doing that... GREAT! ;)
But I need to be focused on my sphere of influence and run in my own lane!
A lot of times when you look outside your running lane- you fall... or in swimming races- when you look to see how your competitor is doing, you lose time.
Lord remind me to work on what you have annointed and called me to do.

"When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves they are not wise." -2 Corinthians 10:12

Commitments

This blog is going to be extremely breif. ;)

Just thinking about John McCain and his 'spending freeze' and how that relates to my life.
Thinking about commitment and being overwhelmed, doing what is right, choosing to be involved in what is best...

I think one of the saddest things is when you choose to be involved in so many things that the most important ones (as in my priority of school) start to slip (aka poor grades) and then I have to be like WHOA- stop, back up, can't be involved in that, let me back out of this....
So foolish! Just be wise in your practices so no freeze ever needs to occur!
Forgive me Lord! Help me to discern what is best and just abide in you.

Job 11:12
"But a witless man can no more become wise than a donkey's colt can become a man."

Dog Vomit Path

So yesterday I went hiking with some friends @ Humpback Rocks. Its a short little hike and it was probably the most perfect day ever for it.

Since I had hiked the trail before, (and because the others were SLOW ;) ha- love u) I was leading the group on the way up... However, I told them all that I have hiked this about 4-5 times and EVERY single time I end up somehow off the path on the way down and end up having to hack my way back to the trail. HA. Seriously! Every time!
So I said- whatever, you guys pay attention and someone else has to lead on the way down because I know myself and I know we will end up on the wrong trail.

Well someone else DID lead... but we found ourselves on the wrong path yet again!
Isn't that sad? Does it remind you of the path that leads to sin? It was like we were aware of the wrong path, we knew that we had to be on guard or it would end up happening to us again, there was a herald warning, yet somehow I ended up BACK on that same wrong path....
FOOL

"As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly."
Proverbs 26:11

Addendum to this post 10/13/08:

So this morning on the way home from the Y... I was thinking about the further analogies to be found in this situation. Its actually funny because on the way down the path, one of my friends (Jamie) said to me- there has got to be one of your analogies here, what can we learn? And I was like- ugh, no there isn't. I don't even want to think about that- I have done this so many times. Its like how sometimes when we are back ON that same path again- we are so stubborn! We don't really want to take the time to learn or think about the fact that we are back where we thought we would never be. ALSO both Jamie and my roommate Yvonne were nervous that we were not on the right path... as they were lamenting ;) I was busy telling them- "O stop... Its fine! I told you I have done this so many times- we come out right up here. Don't worry." Isn't that also true with repetitive sins in our lives? Others may be horrified but we are so comfortable with it! Its familiar to us. We know how we got there and how we can get out- sometimes to our detriment in the fact that it doesn't disgust us as we should. You know the attitude I speak of.... I found my way out the last time and the hacking out wasn't really that bad is akin to "Well God has forgiven me for this before..."

"O that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees! Then I would not be ashamed when I compare my life against your commands." -Psalm 119:5-6

"I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your Word." -Psalm 119:101

AWE inspiring verse of the day

"You are resplendent with light. More majestic than the mountains rich with game."

-Psalm 75:4