Love Does Not Seek Its Own (by John Piper)

"Love does not seek its own."

I don't think this means that it is wrong to want to be happy. Because in verse 3 Paul argues that if you don't love, it profits you nothing. So it's not wrong to want the right kind of profit. What he's saying is that love does not seek its own personal, private preference without reference to what may be good for other people. Love seeks its joy and its profit in the good of others, not just in private gratification.

When Paul says, "Love seeks not its own," he is not saying that you shouldn't stand up for your own convictions—he died for his convictions. He is saying that you must be sure that the strength of your conviction is in proportion to the conviction being God's not just yours. To the degree that your preference is yours and not compellingly found in God's Word, to that degree should you be slow to seek it, and slow to get angry when others don't share it. "Love seeks not its own." It seeks the good of the many, not just the comfort of self.

So if we are going to love, we are going to have to die to "our own." Love seeks not its own. What does it do? It dies to its own. "Unless a grain of wheat fall into the ground and die it remains alone, but if it dies [to its own] it bears much fruit."

Therefore glorify God in your body and do not satisfy the lusts of your flesh...

I have been WRESTLING lately with so much SIN!
Such a sinful girl and so unaware of it until very recently... o the extent of my depravity! These respectable DAILY sins and things I am so accostomed to doing without conviction.

Our heavenly Father SEES what is done in secret and rewards us accordingly.
He is also a jealous God... of ANYTHING that I love more than Him.
Any thing I want more than I want to obey Him....

Do I want to speed or send and read text messages rather than obey His Word when he tells me to submit to the governing authorities?

Do I want to complain and vent rather than obey His Word when he tells me to do everything without complaining? O but I really just need to right now... I want to.

Do I want to slouch, criticize, text and talk through class rather than be a light in a dark place and walk displaying a changed heart? Or are my unregenerate classmates more honoring in their behavior?

Do I want just something else to munch on more than I desire to display His Spirits fruit in my life and be self controlled? Do I desire buying an afternoon coffee or treat more than I desire to honor Him with my finances?

Do I want to hug and hold my wonderful fiance just one minute more or do I want to keep myself from even a hint of sexual immorality, help him, and keep my thoughts on Phil 4:8- what is PURE and lovely, honorable and fitting???

O these questions! O these areas that have LONG been inconsistencies in my life in need of addressing... I am GLAD to serve a jealous God who doesn't want me to want these fleeting pleasures more than I desire to obey His wonderful Word!

I have been SAVED out of this wretched behavior that I maintain for so long. The conviction is here.... Please encourage me, do not let me be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin in these small areas. May I CHOOSE to obey God and never choose the fleeting pleasure of sin.

awww Tim....

This morning getting ready- I was listening to Tim McGraw sing about the problem we all face with our sin nature.... Tim blames it and says- 'I Guess thats just the cowboy in me..." It honestly made me SAD to hear it... It shows the gospel and the law of God is written on the hearts of men, but what is the conclusion of man apart from the revalation of truth in the Word? No Tim, its not the cowboy in you, its the SINNER in you! Its the sinful nature in all of us, our natural bent that we are no longer enslaved to because of the glorious news of the gospel!

"We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin." (Rom 6:6)

Tim McGraw- The Cowboy in Me
I don't know why I act the way I do
Like I aint got a single thing to lose
Sometimes Im my own worst enemy
I guess thats just the cowboy in me

I got a life that most would love to have
But sometimes I still wake up fighting mad
At where this road Im heading down might lead
I guess thats just the cowboy in me

The urge to run, the restlessness
The heart of stone I sometimes get
The things Ive done for foolish pride
The me thats never satisfied
The face thats in the mirror when I dont like what I see
I guess thats just the cowboy in me

I have been divinely gifted with grace

No God but Allah???

1 Cor 8:6
"Yet for us there is but ONE God, the Father, from whom all things came and FOR whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and THROUGH whom we live!"

I seriously want to write a song. O LORD there is no one like you!
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-nAdVWDtmU&feature=related

This is beautiful.

"For all things are yours. Whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future- all are yours, and you are Christ's, and Christ is God's." (1 Cor 3:21-22)

Matthew Henry says:
Observe the spiritual riches of a true believer: All are yours, even ministers and ordinances. Nay the world itself is yours. Saints have as much of it as Infinite Wisdom sees fit for them. Life is yours, that you may have season and opportunity to prepare for heaven, and death is yours, that you may go to the possession of it. Things present are yours, to support you on the road; and things to come are yours, to delight you forever at your journey's end. If we belong to Christ, and are true to Him- all good things belong to us. God in Christ, reconciling a sinful world to himself, and pouring out the riches of his grace on the reconciled world, is the sum and substance of the gospel.

Im engaged!

"If we are faithless, He remains faithful for he cannot deny himself." (2 Tim 2:13)


I got engaged this past Sunday, July 5th! WOW- what a privilege. I have since been contemplating marriage and reading a little about unfaithful brides (Ezekial 16, Jeremiah 3, Hosea 2...) Faithfulness is a beautiful thing to study and maybe one of the strongest attributes of God that we often miss. He IS faithfulness, regardless of our halfhearted committment. I hope to be a faithful bride to my new husband and also to my first husband, Christ!


OK, so the brides. ;) They all have in common that they have THE perfect husband, but they are still not content!

"Thus says the Lord- What wrong did your fathers find in me that they went far from me, and went after worthlessness and became worthless?" (Jeremiah 2:5)

Not a thing wrong! IMPOSSIBLE! Christ is the only perfect man who STILL cannot keep our attention. We are SICK people. I love Jer 3:19- it is a SIN for us to forsake seeking Him! "Know and see that it is evil and bitter for you to forsake the Lord your God."


They are filled with needs, lusts, and idolatry. In Hosea 2- 'For she said- I will go after my lovers who give me my bread and my water, my wool, and my flax, my oil and my drink..." Forsaking the fountain of LIVING water for these lovers, forsaking food that truly SATISFIES (Isaiah 55:1-2) God please make me filled, satisfied, and content with you alone.


THIS is love:
"Go again, loving a woman who is an adulterous, even as the Lord loves the children of Israel, thought they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins." (Hosea 3:1)


Lord... this love blows my mind.... May I remember your undying, faithful, covenant love forever and ever. May I sing praise to you and have a heart that draws near to you! Amen.


SO FUNNY! Right after I wrote this, I checked out a friends blog and she had this O SO FITTING sermon posted from Piper entitled- The tragic cost of her cavernous thirst. Check it out: http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/2009/3999/

You just don't understand!!!

The next time I say or think that statement to myself, Im going to instantly repent... and hopefully LAUGH at my own foolishness out in the open.

Understanding IS awesome... and I think thats why the Lord gives us little glimpes of it. When I work full time, I can sympathize with my roommate or friends or future husband when he comes home tired. When I have children, I can sympathize with the new mothers not getting any time to get things done... But I will never be able to fully understand. AND I will NEVER EVER be able to understand the suffering my Savior went through on the cross... the rejection, the pain, the physical torture, the alienation from God. No wonder we were destined for trials- so we can have the tiniest glimpse of pain producing true APPRECIATION.

I was able to go for a run this evening (Praise God- seriously, nothing recharges me and fires me up to keep going quite like it. I really feel like God speaks to me as I run...) and the Lord just flooded me with conviction. I have been going around telling everyone who will listen-(complaining) 'Well I have been having to wake up at 5 am! And not get much sleep and then work hard all day without a break...'
STOP and think Vanesa! About my boyfriend who went like a week getting 2-3 hrs of sleep, my roommate who didn't sleep at ALL last night, John and Jamie not getting any sleep because of crying babies from 2-5 am, my poor sweet MOTHER who never sleeps through the night because of her back pain...

Its such a popular lie of the devil- he really wants us to think that we are by ourselves and no one has it as bad off as we do- self pity... We pity ourselves and we think, if they only truly understood my situation, they would pity me too! I have it so much harder than they do... they don't even understand what its like. When we ALL have trials, whatever the age, whatever the season- EVERY human has a 'hard' life. "I have seen the burden God has laid upon man..." (Ecc) I was talking to a friend whos mom thinks that they have the perfect life... I wonder how many times people have looked and me and thought that...

The devil wants us to put ourselves on a pedestal- whether its in how great we have it or how hard we have it- EITHER one is a lie.
"When they compare themselves by themselves- they are unwise!" -2 Cor 10:12
Forgive me Lord!

EXPOSED!

Been contemplating the Genesis account of nakedness and shame...
"Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." (Hebrews 4:13)

"Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed." (John 3:20)

"But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." (Ephesians 5:13-15) Shine on me Lord!

"So now I will expose her lewdness before the eyes of her lovers; no one will take her out of my hands." (Hosea 2:10)

Its amazing how self righteousness keeps you from understanding and appreciating the gospel... The gospel exposes you for what you are- a WRETCHED sinner! I have become astutely aware of my own wretchedness recently. Its amazing that I wasn't really so aware before! I thought I was allright...

Even I was thinking as I was praying... And this thought actually crossed my mind. Wow- is God even hearing my prayer because of my sin? Or has this seperated me and kept him from hearing my prayers? The TRUTH, the GOSPEL is that my sin ALWAYS seperates me from him and keeps him from hearing my prayers. The ONLY way I can come before the throne of a perfect God (and with boldness according to Heb 4:16!) is because of the blood of Christ. How bout when I think, 'I should fast and pray about that.' Thinking that somehow, me fasting will make God hear me more, or cause him to act more because of my performance pleasing Him. Heb 5:7 says that when Jesus prayed, His prayers were heard because of His reverent submission! Im so glad that MY prayers are heard because of HIS reverent submission!


Jordan has given me a newfound love and appreciation for the Psalms- He has helped me read them with a gospel perspective! Because David OFTEN refers to his own righteousness works, deeds, clean hands, etc. Or blessed is the righteous man... I used to foolishly think somehow I could apply those to myself! That I was the righteous man and not the wicked man... even I grew up reciting Psalm 1. I am not the righteous man- Christ is.... I am the wicked man!!! But because of God's great love, there was a SUBSTITUTION of the righteous for the wicked. And PRAISE BE TO GOD that now... because of Christ all of Gods promises are YES to me through Him!!! All those Psalms speaking of what benefits and security the righteous man have- those are mine! How can you not love the gospel? How can I keep from singing his praise?

The Idols of My Heart

John Calvin says- "The human heart is an idol factory." We were made to worship!

Jeremiah 4:10-13 says- "My people have committed 2 sins. They have forsaken me, the fountain of pure water, and dug for themselves broken cisterns that cannot hold any water at all."

So many times we look to other things apart from Christ for our satisfaction and joy. The temporal is so tempting. So many times we buy the lie that this will fill us and bring us the happiness we long for.

Its interesting how all the idols are similar for most of us. I feel like most of mine are very common to most WOMEN in this culture. These are not on the throne of my life- God is! Glory to Him- but they do raise their head at times to try and usurp his authority, rule, and throne. They want my heart, they want my affection, my time, and my satisfaction.
Some of the things that I personally need to be on guard against from becoming idols in my life:

Physical Appearance/Beauty- Especially in my family- this is a huge priority among the women and very emphasized by my mom, sister, grandma, etc. I wonder if its in the Jewish identity...)

Exercise- Most people have to discipline themselves to exercise... I have to discipline myself NOT to exercise... I would rather spend my time training for a triathlon than using my time some other way. I truly love it, my mind loves it, and my body loves it. One day- prescription of it will be the basis of my career... Its good for me, but I really need to make sure that it is a form of rest that recharges me and helps me love God more and serve Him better.)

Food- YUM. May this be a pleasure that causes me to love and appreciate God more... not a pleasure in the sake of it, as an end in itself.

Shopping/Clothes/Money- Yes. I can enjoy shopping for the glory of God- IF I have the money... ;) The Lord is really working on me here. I remember as a child getting a horrific haircut a few days before I was supposed to start at a brand new school in the 9th grade... I was balling and my mom took me shopping 'because it makes everything better.' (not to in any way blame my precious and most amazing mother!) Now what happens if I have a bad day? Is my refuge in the storm going shopping, or is it Jesus Christ?

Sleep- I love getting 8 hours of sleep... ;) Praise God he made us to rest AND that I have a gift of being ABLE to fall asleep and sleep when most people cannot. But may I not neglect things or be lazy or avoid facing things by sleeping instead.

Independence/Autonomy- This is a HUGE one for me... and why marriage scares me so bad. I like to go where I want, do what I want, when I want to do it. I like that my time is my own and I can somewhat control it. It can really be the epitome of selfishness.

Relational Intimacy/Connectedness- This can be with a man/desire for marriage, or just in relationships with people. I have a really high value on communicating with people and I really value deep close friendship and relationships. What a great gift! But if I don't have it, what then? Can I rejoice not in this, but that my name is written in the lamb's book of life?

FUN- This is another one I think I struggle with more than most. I really value having fun. God made me with personality and a love for laughter and a good time. This also really runs in my family. No one can throw a better party than my sister... we love it. I love enjoying life. What happens when you get in the way of me having fun? When serving you is infringing on my good time? When you aren't entertaining me or making me laugh?? Will I grumble? Will I seek someone elses company? Go on to the next best thing? Find something more fun- the next big thrill?

Glory to God- these are all good things!!! I worship him for these things! I thank him for them. It would be ludicrous to try and say they are bad. But....
"When a good thing becomes a God thing- It becomes a bad thing."
Lord- by your grace ALONE may I thank you for these things but not worship them. May I see them as gifts and not needs. May they be considered loss for the surpassing greatness of knowing you!

Its June and Im THANKFUL

I am so very thankful for my trip to Honduras!
I am also very thankful to live in America, where we surround ourselves with comfort to the max.

It was almost humorous to me when I entered Dulles airport and found myself freezing from the excessive A/C. We have comforts on top of comforts. And just the INDEPENDENCE to do whatever I want all the time... I want Starbucks? OK- lets go get in my personal, air conditioned vehicle and go buy one. I find myself eating such variety (compared to 3 daily meals of beans and rice) and just in AWE of how gourmet my diet is- literally! It literally has been odd going around, resuming life, after being surrounded by poverty. God is working in my heart and I love it.

My roommate for the trip, Meredith, sums it up well in her blog:
"While I was taking it the beauty of this trip, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt that I have the opportunity to travel to these amazing places. Most Hondurans probably have not even seen the beauty of the islands in their own country. Before I left for Honduras, my grandma made a comment that she is glad we have these opportunities because when she was growing up, driving an hour to Richmond was really something big. It hit me in the gut. How do I reconcile all of my opportunities with the fact that other people don’t have the same options? Where is the balance between enjoying these gifts and not feeling the need to justify them?
I’ve been reading through Ecclesiastes and trying to understand these verses as I reconcile the the things I love such as traveling and dancing with burden I feel to spend my time doing things that aren’t so self-serving."

My mentor sent me an email over a year ago that really has stuck with me!!! She says:
"Comforts are not satantic, but there are satanic comforts. Think about it this way, pick something in your mind, I’ll use sex as an example—sex between me and my husband is good in God’s eyes. Sex between two unmarried people, not good; rape—NOT GOOD. Should we abstain from sex because it can be abused or can be something some people stumble with? No. There is even a time when Peter warns that in the last days “godly” people will tell you to abstain from sex and food. That is against God’s glory, not for it. Other examples: Rest—created by God! Sabbath, ahhh, rest from work. Laziness, bad. Friendship, yeah that was God’s idea too! How refreshing that can be to my soul! Trusting in men rather than God, bad. Hiking in the woods? Yes, I do that to the glory of God. Sex, yes—within marriage, my sex life is relaxing, fun, pleasurable, and brings great comfort to my soul, and my body…all to the glory of God! Food, feasting, dinner parties, brunches, tea parties…you name it, these too can bring glory to God, and Jesus Himself was a partaker in many a feast and dinner party. Feasting of course has its place, gluttony does not—we are to be good stewards of these bodies. Having a home? God knows our needs, He knows what we are made of, shelter is important to Him, and a home in which we can be hospitable, this is important to Him too. Working out? Excellent! Being obsessed with my image? Horrible. I hope this is enough to show that many good things can be abused, but being comfortable is not a sin—unless our comfort is found outside of Him. So how do we obtain that “unshakeable confidence that the joy we have tasted in Christ will not disappoint us in death." Be in His Word. Pray about Joy, about desires, etc. Thanksgiving—spend some time each day in genuine thanksgiving, read John 15:11, 17:13, Hebrews 13:14, And then Psalm 57 –ask yourself, what was David thankful for, when, and how did he express it? Note: the Hebrew word translated “lovingkindness” really means “covenant loyalty love.” Then read ? Psalm 69, and focus on vs. 30-32. What does thanksgiving do to your heart?"

I had a seriously phenomenal walk with a dear friend yesterday (gonna dub it the encouraging walk)... ;) We were talking about how gratitude is like our sword at the devil. When he throws something at us, and we are like THANK YOU because I know God is going to use that for my good. What does that do to the devil? Can you imagine everything you tried to use to discourage someone they thanked you for it???

Colossians 4:2 "Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving..." And Philippians 4- "Rejoice always, and again I say to you- rejoice!"

HOWEVER... while I do think that gratitude is the answer for the MANY gifts I have been given. (O Lord may I never complain about one single thing! Seriously. SICK- how dare I?) I also pray that my eyes would not only see and give thanks.... but joyfully SHARE the numerous blessings with those around me. True gratitude I think says- I have been blessed beyond belief. WOW. Praise God... I WANT to share because I have way more than I need. Not because I feel guilty that God has chosen to bless me, but because I have such a great GIFT! How great a salvation! I think its the same principle with evangelism... I dont understand why God sovereignly chose to save me! But I dont share with others out of guilt because I have been given that gift, but I share because Im overflowing with thanksgiving.

Right now I am. Remind me and encourage me when Im not!
There was a spanish billboard in the airport on a layover of the radical Chi (sp?) that said:
If Im going forward, follow me. If I stop moving- push me forward, and if I go backward, kill me. I feel like that in a way. May I never go backward, and when I slow, please push me with reminders.

PS- Speaking of spanish, I have already forgotten a lot of espanol. ;( YIKES.

Live from CNN, literally

Last night we were woken up to our whole house shaking... I looked at Meredith and said- "Dude is that wind?" To which she replied- "But our house is made out of concrete!" ;)

Turns out it was an earthquake- 7.1 on the Richter scale, and the country of Honduras was placed on a Tsunami alert. We were told to leave our beds and we hung out outside in the street for a while before we were allowed to go back to bed. I got some pretty good video footage. ;)

Anywho. God is big and powerful. And its the morning with no real nasty affects here. And to any of you who actually heard about it in the US, Im A-OK. Love you!

How to pray for Honduras

I have a friend doing a presentation on Honduras and he asked me if there were any special challenges for prayer for the country and this is what I wrote to him... I thought it would be good to post so people could know how to pray for the country. This weekend I got to spend with some missionaries so it opened my eyes a bit and gave me some more understanding:

I think some special challenges for prayer is for the churches that have started to know truth and be free from deception. None of the pastors have any training so its very easy to be misled. I think some of them have seen televangelists also and think that that is how they are supposed to act and lead and imitate that... The missionaries have a big challenge trying to be a light in much darkness, and then just the typical barriers. Also the ignorance! Many people cannot READ at all so Bible study and knowledge is very limited... much less any kind of in depth Bible study... they will never have access to a commentary or anything in Greek would be so unheard of. Those are all huge privileges we have when we study our Bibles. Also there is much nominal Christianity AND catholicism and very few true believers. There is a sense of a Sodom and Gamorrah lifestyle- like the glamorized MTV spring break type of thing... A culture where girls getting pregnant around 12-15 is normal and marriage is RARE.

An additional thing to note is that the few Hondurans that have been discipled want to leave and be missionaries elsewhere! The missionaries train them up and then they want to go to another country, when they could have so much more influence with their own people!

Its so hot here its not even funny... I spend all day every day dripping sweat. Yesterday it was 111 degrees! MUY DISGUSTIVO. On that note- over and out!

The pursuit of enjoyment

If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love. You see what has happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philological importance. The negative idea of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the Christian virtue of Love.

The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial, but not about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire. If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

-CS Lewis, the weight of glory

I have some of the wisest friends a girl can have...

Check out this awesome quote from an email I got from a dear dear friend:
"Sweet friend of mine. When I find myself in positions in which I have placed myself and then find myself truly not enjoying it...I ask myself these same questions that arose from your e-mail. Just as quickly as I find myself noting the patterns of SELF in the past sentence do I realize that most of my efforts and decisions were probably not prayerfully considered or thoughtfully made. As it turns out- I did the thing/move/adventure/conversation/all of it... by my SELF and ultimately am now miserable by myself and all efforts to appease the fiasco are not satisfactory because of SELF."

Day #11 Smatterings

This morning I got to go to the dump school and help teach kids some english words and play with them... it was so funny to see myself in them! It is so hard to articulate other languages. Think about the word 'grapes'- its pretty hard to say! The kids were like GraPPSSSSS. And one little girl told me her name at least ten times. I kept repeating it and she kept laughing and saying no! and repeating it. I could have sworn I was saying exactly what she was.

One little child's name was Adonai... I got excited and tried to explain that 'Adonai is tambien un nombre para Dios' Im not sure if he understood me or not... or if I somehow made him think that he was a god or something. I hope not! O Espanol...

And speaking of the mixups... Last night on the way home from classes- we saw a sign that said Pinateria. Pina is spanish for pineapple so I was excited... thiking this was going to be some sort of Cafeteria of pineapples. ;) I convinced mi amigas to go check it out with me and alas the store was filled with children's toys. Ay. Pinateria was a PINATA eria... The place filled with pinatas. ;)

Hasta Luego.

He knows my weaknesses

I am encouraged by HUMANITY....

Im encouraged by seeing that others are the same as me and struggle as I do. People who seem to have it all together do not appeal to me- I love real, authentic faith.

When my pastor says that 'his spiritual life looks like the stock market over the last few months- more downs than ups'...

When Jim Elliot's journals speak of his desire for physical intimacy.

When Elizabeth Elliot speaks of her studying Quichua (one of the conditions Jim placed on her to achieve prior to marriage) compared to her aquisition of the Spanish language for Bible translation, she says- "For while spanish held out to me eternal rewards, the learning of Quichua held a clearcut temporal one by which I am afraid I was more powerfully motivated."

AYE Humanity... That is why the study of psychology, anthropology, even the reading of biographies are so fascinating... we long for people as examples and role models, that are somehow superhuman but at the same time are just like us...

So glad I have that description in a Savior! "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who was tempted in every way, just as we are- yet without sin." (Heb 4:15)

No need to wonder why gossip magazines are so popular- "Stars- they're just like you!"

Im so glad my heavenly Father knows my flesh and loves me anyways.
Psalm 78- "Yet he was merciful; he forgave their iniquities and did not destroy them. Time after time he restrained his anger and did not stir up his full wrath. He remembered that they were but FLESH."

And speaking of flesh- yesterday all three of us estudiantes de espanol hit a serious wall. Como se dice- CRANKY. Mi amiga is going to blog about that so I will just leave the articulation up to her.
And the spanglish humor for day #10- I told mi profesora that I had a "Onda" because in Honduras everything all H's are silent... ;) She laughed at me for at least 3 minutes. Apparently Honda is still Honda. ;)

WOW- I feel like my writing was already bad before I came down here but it seems to have gotten worse. I now speak broken English... My sentences have to communicate a point and fast- only subjects and verbs. ;)

Hola De Honduras

Day Cinco.

I have Spanglish down to a serious art form now. I know just enough to be dangerous. We are starting to make a list of the things I say to people because its pretty entertaining.
Today I asked the pharmacist for rotten eggs.
I wanted to buy a little girl a treat at the store and I said- "Tu quieres? Yo consado." Meaning- You want Im tired.
The best to date was when I told mi profesora de espanol that I danced with HER boyfriend instead of saying I danced with my boyfriend. ;)

Today we had class a la playa (beach) and it was gorgeous. Im very thankful for my sweet professor. Her name is Elvia and she doesn't speak one word of English. I really feel like Im a child learning a language for the first time, or a missionary learning a language that hasn't been learned before. We walked around the beach and she would point to sand and say- arena... or a bug and say insepto... Im doing a lot of non verbal communication and using pictures. ;) I have been praying a ton for the missionaries I know, especially Sarah trying to learn Japanese!

Wanted to write out some things that Im thankful for- there are so MANY! In addition to the many attributes of God, my salvation and redemption, grace, a BIBLE, and all the other truly important things, there are many unimportant things as well:
1- My name! ;) Vanesa is the perfect name for a spanish speaking country. I fit right in. Thanks mom.
2- My hair. Its big. My health, my legs, $, growth, and a FAN in my room! I praise God for that fan.
3- Three meals of beans, rice and tortillas a day provided, as well as as much bottled water as I can drink- provided gratis. AND today because its Meredith's 25th birthday- we had chocolate cake for breakfast! It was delicious. I do feel the need for an orange though- its a running joke that I talk about developing rickets. Thank God for vitamin C ;) And just for friends here and great laughs.
4- Internet! We have a computer IN our home! The internet works about every other day but its still such a blessing not to have to pay for it or go to an internet cafe.
5- A huge room and a wonderful roommate to share it with. AND even though our bathroom is infested with cockroaches, the shower is cold, and we have to put our hand in the toilet tank everytime we want to flush- I am EXTREMELY thankful that we have our OWN bathroom IN our room! That is huge... and there is a little shelf in there so we can put our stuff on it. Its really a great privilege
6- Tomorrow being laundry day

God is so good. And His word says Godliness with contentment is great gain. I love Phil 4 that Paul says I KNOW what its like to be in need and have plenty, whether well fed or hungry- I can do all through Christ who gives me strength. Im glad I can add that I KNOW what its like to be in these additional situations
whether hot or cold
whether clean or dirty
whether straight or curly
whether with Jordan or without him ;)
whether in the USA or Honduras...
I can do all through Jesus Christ. And its truly not even hard (see the many thanksgivings/blessings above...)

OK off to shower before our nightly salsa dancing lesson. Right now Im a wonderful mix of sunscreen, bug spray, dust, and sand.
Adios!

I have the sweetest boyfriend

I am officially done my 2nd year of PT school! My sweet boyfriend took me out to the Cheesecake factory last night to celebrate... ;)

It was great but I was just was thinking how much I value his attention... and how that translates to our relationship with the Lord. If Jordan JUST spent money on me but never gave me his time... or never gave me his attention, if he never talked about me to other people or said kind words to/about me... I wouldn't be satisfied no matter how much money he spent on me. Or if he spent time with me every day but never spent a dime- I would wonder about his affection.

If I spent all my time serving at the church but never gave the Lord my tithe- what am I valuing more than Him... Or if I gave all my money, but never spent time with Him- I do not love Him! If I didn't do what he asks of me in His Word... it would be like Peter. "If you love me- feed my lambs." LOVE TRULY IS ALL ENCOMPASSING. Lord let me not withold anything from you that is rightfully due you! My time, my money, my affection, my obedience, your praise!

Nothing profound. Just on the mind... Short and sweet. :) Heading to Honduras in 2 days! ;)

From John Owen

"Because He himself suffered when tempted, he is able to forever help those who are being tempted." (Heb 2:18)

Did the suffering of Christ add to his ability to help? Is that why he has the power to help us- because He also was tempted? NO! The ability mentioned here is his readiness to come to our aid against all opposition. He is able to break through all reasons to the contrary and relieve poor tempted souls. Having suffered Himself, He is MOVED to help."

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sumpathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in a time of need." (4:16)

Happy Birthday Vanesa ;)

Wow I've blogged a lot in April. ;)
I am 25 today. WOW. Exciting! I have so much joy today because I have been redeemed!
"Remember these things- I formed you and you are my servant. You will not be forgotten by me. I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like a mist! Return to me for I have redeemed you. SING O heavens for the Lord has done this! Shout for joy o depths of the earth! Burst forth in singing o mountains. O forest and every tree in it for the Lord has redeemed you!"

"I am he who blots out your transgressions, and for my own sake I will not remember your sins."

"Thus saith the Lord God who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread the earth and what comes from it, who gives breath to the people on it and spirit to those who walk in it. I am the Lord and I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you..."

I love celebrations and gifts, friends and family, parties and dinners. But whatever today brings I don't rejoice that I was born and that I get to forget my troubles today or party it up- Or even that I have been given another year to live. WAY more than that- I have been given a year to live not under condemnation! Who would want to live a year seperated from God? A year to live in communion with my Savior- I am no longer under God's wrath! EXULT! Rejoice and be exceedingly glad. For God made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us that we might become the righteousness of God! AMEN AND HALLELUJAH!


"Is there a God besides me? There is no Rock; I know not any."
If my all knowing God doesn't know of any... I certainly don't!

PS- It is interesting to note that in Scripture the only birthday celebrations that are mentioned are Pharoah and Herod... not that I am in any way suggesting or not advocating birthday celebrations and feasting- I am so excited for that today. BUT just a nugget of thought. ;)

"Let go, Let God"

Our friends Dave and Morgan are trying to raise money to be missionaries to East Asia with Campus Crusade for Christ. They have 70% of the money that they need... and they need 80% by May 1st (only another about 600 dollars a month in support) I am so excited for them and if you can help or know anyone who would like to support them in the next 3 days- please contact Morgan at morgan.zinn@gmail.com

Shameless plug over. ;)

But as I was praying for them this morning, the Lord really impressed it on my heart how hard they were working to make contacts and bring in this support. Especially now during this deadline crunch. They are working as hard as they can, making contacts, sharing their presentation, praying, and enlisting the help of others also. And when they get their money all in on May 1st- no one would even dream of giving the glory to anyone but God or say that it would have been more trusting to just pray and sit there waiting for the Lord to bring in the money! I cant wait to see it come in and how God will do it!

But how many times when it comes to discipline in our lives or other areas we just pray and 'trust' and decide not to work? Even as a single I know people would always tell me just to pray and wait for God to bring him to you. I think that is so silly! That doesn't apply in any other area of life. Concentrates self effor does not discount the work of the Lord- it is how he accomplishes his plan! May I not ever say- 'let go, let God', but work with all of my might for His glory in my life!

What about open/closed doors... Would anyone say- well this is a closed door for them, they must not be called to East Asia. NO!! When you know your purpose- if the door is closed, you open them! You look for a window! Lord confirm your purposes and show me your calling on my life fully so I can diligently work and pursue it with my whole heart! (Anna this reminds me some of the editing job that you really believed was Gods purpose for you with your gifts and strengths- praise God!)

Lord thank you for allowing us to be an active part of your work and play active roles even in our own sanctification. Remind us to work hard and not give up!

Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you

Last night I was talking with my roommate about a teenager whose parents are really trying everything they possibly can to get them to love the Lord, but the child's heart is cold.

Getting married and having children are two of the greatest exercises in faith I could ever think of. You are opening yourself up to be severely affected by another person that you cannot control. As a single- you can somewhat control what you do and what happens.

The decision to marry, only by God's grace strength, is SUCH trust. I cannot control the actions or heart of another- all I can do is pray! You can strive your hardest to be a good wife, take care of yourself, be obedient, follow all the psychological tips- but that doesn’t mean your husband wont leave you. Or even you hear stories of women who thought that they married dynamic Godly men who turned out to not even know the Lord and fall away.

Same with parenting- you can strive to the best of your ability to raise your kids up to know and fear the Lord… but you cannot control their hearts or how they turn out. No amount of discipleship, homeschooling/isolation, family time/devotions, even father involvement neccessarily- assures you that your kids will love Jesus. We do not regenerate- God does!

O Lord increase my faith and trust and prayer! Entrusting all decisions and the people I love to my faithful creator and the one who judges justly! (1 Peter 2:23) He not only knows the future- He controls it!

“I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.” (2 Tim 1:12)

Its a slow fade... be on guard!

The pathway to addiction is a slow one, occuring over time.

This is evident in the newfound love I have discovered for coffee...

O the analogy... It started as a once in a while pleasure, becoming more and more frequent as I developed a taste for it. Then came the rationalization that I should purchase my own maker so that I stop spending so much money on it... and now its so easy to enjoy a cup at anytime!

I truly do love it and feel like I can enjoy it for the glory of God. Just because it has potential for bad doesn't mean I should never drink it, but I need to be on guard! Right now Im drinking decaf to keep me from developing an actual physical addiction. I know it seems silly, but I know without a proper plan and boundaries, I could easily become addicted. I really need to maintain all vigilence... especially now that its so easy and accessible to keep from falling into a vat of coffee beans face first. ;)

"Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with dissipation, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you unexpectedly like a trap." (Luke 21:34)

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! (1 Cor 10:12)

Be very careful, then, how you live -- not as unwise but as wise," (Eph 5:15)

Thank you Lord for your Word

Can you read the bottom of this ad? It reads- "If you really want to touch someone send them a letter."

Help me- I haven't got handles on this one yet...

"The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband." (1 Cor 7:4)

Im thinking about this verse in relationship to me and all of us being the Bride of Christ... my body belonging to another...
ie- "You are not your own, you were bought with a price, therefore honor God with your body."

Does this work in the fact that it says ALSO? Its not mine only but both of ours? Does that also carry over into the picture of my body being Christs? Is it His alone or is it both of ours? And what does that look like? What does it mean for it to be both husband and wifes in a marriage setting? CO-OWNERSHIP... not in the way like a divorced agreement, you get it 1/2 the time and I get it 1/2 the time... 50% of the time we do what I want, and the rest we can do what you want with it. Seriously- Hmmmm.
This 'co' bit. Not only am I a co-owner, I am a co-heir with Christ!
Does a co-heir mean we each get a part or we each get all?
WOW. Its late- I need to go to bed. ;)
But my mind is full and reeling on this one. I think its way deeper than I bargained for at this time of night. Any comments are appreciated.

I have the most perfect husband in the whole world- why did he choose for himself an adulterous bride? To further magnify His goodness... glory be to God!

Lest I forget

Last night I had an opportunity to share with some people the MIRACLE of me getting into PT school. I know I have blogged about the miraculous and mundane before but it was just reemphasized to me tonight. My friend Kata is taking the GRE tomorrow, and I was praying for her while running, and thanking God for getting me into school and he just really spoke to me.

It is SO much easier to give God glory for the miracles he does. Its like the Pharisees... 'Lord- we want to see a miracle from you...' (Matt 12, 1 Cor 1:22) I really pray to remember his provision and his grace in the so called mundane. The Dueteronomy 8 theme- 'do not let me say that my hands have gotten this success for me!'

Lets say that I so called 'rightfully earned' my way into PT school. Lets say I met the requirements and deadline (I didn't), had the highest GPA in the class (didn't) and was the most qualified- EVERY single aspect of that would still be enabled from the hand of the Lord. I did do well on the GRE, glory to GOD for without Him who can do ANYTHING!!! The mind was given to me as a gift from Him, the legs to move around, the parents (a dad with a ridiculous vocabulary who used the word defacate instead of poop when I was growing up), the money to pay the fee- the hands to earn the money, the ears to hear the alarm to wake up on the morning of the GRE, the car to drive to take the GRE- even the QUESTIONS that I got on the GRE... the specific vocabulary words that I happened to know- its ALL grace.

Last night we learned at a passover feast the word Dayenu, meaning 'it would have been enough.' Anything beyond the eternity in Hell I deserve would have been enough! God giving me His Son would have been plenty to keep me forever indebted and eternally grateful. It would have been enough for him to put me in a Christian home and have opporunity to hear the gospel. That I have a brain and can think- dayenu! Being able to walk even and RUN and READ His Word- Dayenu! That I have a wonderful roommate and place to live, food, clothing- dayenu! Parents, friends, and a boyfriend that love me- dayenu! Making it into PT school- dayenu! Being able to finance PT school- dayenu! Being able to pass tests and stay in school- dayenu! O Lord- GRACE UPON GRACE FLOWS DOWN. Thank you Lord for your grace so undeserved! It is equally as evident in the miraculous and the mundane. May you get the glory for either and thank you for allowing me to be used sometimes in the process...

I seriously learn more while running than when going to church...

"Physical softness inevitably leads to spiritual softness." -Jerry Bridges

OFTEN when running I will say that Im going to do a certain distance or time- and then I tell myself, well I dont HAVE to do that much, and my physical body follows. Even if its little like Im going to run for 45 minutes... Ill get to 42 and stop and do the last 3 as a cool down....

Our pastor talked about this Sunday with an analogy from the Monument 10k and from Phil 1:19- how first you consent to it in your mind, and your body follows. As soon as you start saying, WHY am I doing this? No ones chasing me? I don't have to do this... your stop. In life- Our outward stumbles are only because we have already decided and committed the sin in our hearts.

Truth be told it DOESN'T matter whether I run for 42 minutes or 45... I dont have to run at all! (the Ecc 5:4-5 principle I have blogged on before) However- it does get me used to making provision for my flesh, and then when the area DOES matter, its much easier to compromise and rationalize it away. Little compromises will eventually have big impacts. AND when you dont rule over your flesh in the non-sin areas... its much easier to rationalize in the sin areas.

Im officially not skipping any classes anymore for the rest of the semester. (not legalistic if there is a valid reason, but not just because its boring, pointless, or I dont feel like it) I also want to try and follow thru with what I say, whether out loud or in my mind. (perhaps making more of an effort to say things out loud for the accountability)

I know I know... I keep learning the same things over and over. My blog is all the same lessons taught to me by different analogies and ways.

Decisions, Decisions...

Don't you just love the COUNTLESS decisions we are faced with each day?
Usually to come to a conclusion based on what we want...

Today while driving I was simply contemplating the myriad of decisions one can make regarding getting teeth cleaned. ;) HA. Seriously- oh the abundance of good choices!

Think about it- first option, getting my teeth cleaned by the dentist in the church. Helping a local brother- Christians helping fellow body members! The priority of Galatians 6:10.

Option B? Seeking a non-believing dentist in hopes of building consistency and relationship with an unbeliever you would not normally have been introduced to. This is something that you have to spend time on anyways, capitalizing the time and following the Matthew 28 call to share the good news!

Choice #3- Picking the dentist who is the cheapest in town (or the closest location to me?) so I can follow his command to be the best steward of the resources he has given me, and use them on other noble things. Giving the saved $50 to missions or a homeless man?

DUDE I could even throw in a 4th- probably the least lofty sounding- but there is also the stewardship of our bodies. That being said, I could say to seek out the very best, most excellent dentist in town would be a wise decision so I can keep my teeth for as long as possible. ;) O man. I love it.

It is difficult being a steward of someone else's resources! Its not my time, my money, my body... CJ Mahaney says "You get the feeling that practicing discernment is a lot of work. It can be, but it's worth the careful deliberation because the goal is lofty- discerning what pleases the Lord."

At the same time- I don't think God made us to truly wrestle over little decisions of life- and I think I could say to CJ's quote that ALL THREE of those teeth cleaning decisions can be honoring to Him and please Him! Hopefully he will lay on my heart which is the most important priority during the current season of life. Or not... ;) Welcome to my mind. I love even just writing this out because it makes me laugh at the ridiculous nature of it. HA. Go ahead and roll your eyes at me.

I say like the prophet Jeremiah- "Ahh Sovereign Lord..." May I have the wisdom to decide in faith and peace and be obedient whichever path I take. Give me the grace to live each day for your glory!

Humble Pie

I started off the morning with a clinical at the veterans hospital in the spinal cord injury clinic...

Our patient was a beautiful MIFFED 28 year old Asian with long black hair down to her waist. She had been driving her motorcycle and had an accident and became a parapalegic from the waist down (T6). She was in the army and a marathon runner before the accident, and now was just completely without hope. Everything that she had been living for- guys, beauty, health- was all taken from her... she was so mad that she was getting fat because she couldn't move from her wheelchair and no guys would ever like her again. She wanted to get liposuction and a breast enhancement and a 98'' flat screen TV in her room so she could still watch ESPN sports center.

After leaving the clinic I just started crying. I came home and went for a RUN and just praised God for my legs!!! I truly cannot even imagine being in her shoes. Going from running the 10k this past weekend to never walking again and having healthy young students 'observe' me. God is so sovereign- what is our life?

Formerly that was me... as Ephesians 2 says- 'without hope and without God in this world... but NOW I who was far away have been brought near through the precious blood of Christ!' I get Joni Erickson Tada's monthly publication (shout out KCM) and this month's note was on Christ being more valuable than walking! I want to read her new book... O LORD If tomorrow I was unable to do all the things I find my significance in- may you remind me of my true purpose! I know that I do not live for what I can do or what I give or how I can perform or how much attention I can get or even how I can help others- I live to worship my King! AHHHHH. I love you sovereign Lord. I do not fear inappropriately because you are GOOD and what you do is good.

Carolyn Mahaney on True Beauty

I think this is such a good message on a subject with which we are so preoccupied:
http://www.sovereigngracestore.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=A1395-01-51

"With God at the center- like the sun, satisfying a woman's longing for beauty and greatness and truth and love- all of the 'planets' of food, dress, exercise, cosmetics, posture, and countenance will stay in their proper orbit." -John Piper

O the depths of the riches of the mercy of God!

"How good it would be if we could learn that God is easy to live with. He remembers our frame and knows that we are dust. He may sometimes chasten us, it is true, but even this He does with a smile, the proud, tender smile of a Father who is bursting with pleasure over an imperfect but promising son who is coming every day to look more and more like the One whose child he is. Some of us are religiously jumpy and self-conscious because we know that God sees our every thought and is acquainted with all our ways. We need not be. God is the sum of all patience and the essence of kindly good will. We please Him most, not by frantically trying to make ourselves good, but by throwing ourselves into His arms with all our imperfections, and believing that He understands everything and loves us still." -AW Tozer

O man. God WHY. Thank you for loving me! Demonstrating your love! I am so undeserving to be called your child, to be given your clean robes, to have you kill the fatted calf and feast with me... Thank you for loving me!

This was profound to me....

John Piper wrote this about sex, but it really challenged me in relation to ALL of life. My boyfriend talks often about the sufficiency of Scripture for everything and I am tempted to sometimes think- but the Bible DOESN'T really speak to this directly... namely you search the Scriptures for a topic and don't find much... But John says this is an extremely shallow conclusion. Instead of searching the Bible for the word sex, a more productive search would be to search for the term all things, since sex is an obvious subset of all things. Read these things about sex and really meditate on the ALL things how they apply to all of life or other things we look to the Bible for in how to live:

• Sex is created by God (“by him all things were created”—Col. 1:16).

• Sex continues to exist by the will of Christ (“in him all things hold together”—Col. 1:17).

• Sex is caused by God (he “works all things according to the counsel of his will”—Eph. 1:11).

• Sex is subject to Christ (“he put all things under his feet”—Eph. 1:22).

• Christ is making sex new (“Behold, I am making all things new”—Rev. 21:5).

• Sex is good (“everything created by God is good”—1 Tim. 4:4).

• Sex is lawful in the context of marriage (“all things are lawful”—1 Cor. 10:23).

• When we have sex, we are to do it for the glory of God (“whatever you do, do all to the glory of God”—1 Cor. 10:31).

• Sex works together for the good of God’s children (“for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose”—Rom. 8:28).

• We are to thank God for sex (“nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving”—1 Tim. 4:4).

• Sex is to be sanctified by the Word of God and prayer (“everything. . . is made holy by the word of God and prayer”—1 Tim. 4:4-5).

• We must be on guard not to be enslaved by sex (“I will not be enslaved by anything”—1 Cor. 6:12).

• We are not to grumble about sex (“do all things without grumbling”—Phil. 2:14).

• We are to rejoice in the Lord during sex (“rejoice in the Lord always”—Phil. 4:4).

• We are to be content in sex (“having all contentment in all things at all times”—2 Cor. 9:8 mg.).

• We are to practice and pursue sexual relations in holiness and honor (“each one of you [is to] know how to control his own body [KJV: “possess his vessel”; RSV: “take a wife for himself”]
in holiness and honor”—1 Thess. 4:4).

• Spouses are not to “deprive one another [sexually], except perhaps by agreement for a limited time,” that they might devote themselves to prayer (1 Cor. 7:5).

• But then they are commanded to “come together again [sexually], so that Satan may not tempt [them] because of [their] lack of self-control” (1 Cor. 7:5).

• In this fallen age, sex is both pure and impure—“To the pure, all things are pure, but to the defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure; but both their minds and their consciences are
defiled” (Titus 1:15).

SO AWESOME!!! Lord. May I meditate on this and how to practically view ALL THINGS.

UNITY not UNIFORMITY

"If two people are agreeing on everything, than one of them isn't needed."

My JUST God will bring me into account

"Moses and Aaron were among his preists, Samuel also among those who called upon His name. They called to the Lord and He answered them.
In the pullar of the cloud He spoke to them;
they kept His testimonies and the statutes that He gave them.
O Lord our God you answered them!
You were a forgiving God to them,
But an avenger of their wrongdoing."
Psalm 99:6-8

vs. 9- Exalt our God for HE IS HOLY!
I can't believe it is already March!
CIAO.

Two Responses to the magnitude of God's beauty

Psalm 63:3
"Because your unfailing love is better than life- my lips will glorify you!"

God's love is better than life!!! His love is sweeter than honey. He is more satisfying than riches! He is more beautiful than the most beautiful thing in His created world! More grand... more intoxicating.
A sensory overload.

People have two responses to this concept of Christ being infinitely better than all we could imagine or experience on earth. The attitude of- Christ is greater than this pleasure- why would I enjoy this pleasure... If Christ is better than life- why live? If more satisfying than riches- why have money? How bout taking that to- if he is more enjoyable than sex, why have it at all?
OR you can have the attitude that Christ is greater! But BECAUSE He is greater- these infinitely smaller pleasures, within His written boundaries, are a joyful reflection of that.

Im sure I am going to do a terrible job conveying this concept... While at the (awesome) FOCUS conference in NC last weekend, Rick Holland gave a great sermon on enjoying things to the glory of God... especially youth before the light is dim and we are old and deaf and boring! ;) (no offense to my elderly readers! HA. If I have any elderly readers... O MAN.) He contrasted Ecclesiastes 11 and 12 with chapter 2... where at the end of the book Solomon promotes the enjoyment of things within God's bounds, and in chapter 2, he reminds that he sought out every form of pleasure to bring him happiness- and it was all meaningless!

Rick especially talked most beautifully about the Krispy Kreme donut. And how a Christian should be able to enjoy the donut FAR MORE FULLY than any other human being on earth. I don't even desire donuts and it made me want to go get one and revel in how great our God is magnified (telescopically) by eating it for His glory!

He also spoke about Jonathan Edwards. His #1 Resolve was "Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God' s glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure..."
Doesn't this seem like a contradiction?
Not at all... because Edwards understood that God was the author of every single gift in His life! And that life was broken but enjoyable nonetheless.

Just read CJ Mahaney's book on Worldliness (shout out Jamie) and he also does a much better job articulating this than I can.
"Gospel centered living is grateful living. Whatever we do is to be done with thanks toward God. Whatever in this verse certainly includes entertainment. If we can't thank God with a clear conscience for a particular program or movie, we shouldn't watch it. But if we're wisely investing our time and watching something that is true, honorable, just, pure or lovely (Phil 4:8) then by all means we should thank God for it! We shouldn't watch sheepishly or with a vague sense of guilt but freely thanking God for the viewing experience. God is honored not only by us avoiding sin, but also by our active gratitude for the many good things he provides, including drama, cinematography, creativity, beauty, and laughter.

Eve was the first person to take God's words and distort them in this way... God COMMANDED that Adam and Eve ENJOY everything in the garden (within his bounds, abstaining from the tree of knowlege of good and evil) and she misquoted God by adding to his words- making her standards higher than Gods in chapter 3 verse 2.

Thank you Lord for being the author of pleasure and beauty and enjoyment, SO THAT we could be reminded of how great you are! May we never pursue these things as an end in themselves, but may they cause us to delight more fully in you, overwhelm us with awe and gratitude, and result in glory, honor, and praise on the day you are revealed! Please remind me of the true purpose as I enjoy and "love the life" (shout out Kata, Joe and Tracy) He has given me!

Wow that was long. ;)
Great sermon:
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/1991/740_Sweeter_than_Honey_Better_than_Gold/

"Eat honey my son, for it is good; honey from the comb is sweet to your taste. Know also that wisdom is sweet to your soul." (Prov 24:13)

Physical Beauty VS. Spiritual Beauty

"People's standards, of course, differ. Usually, in things that do not matter, we set them impossibly high and thus guarantee for ourselves a life of discontent. In things that matter we set them too low and are easily pleased with ourselves." —Elisabeth Elliot

The Mystery- God USING things as HIS means

Honestly don't think I could be much more thankful than I am at this moment...

About a year ago Thanksgiving time, I was trying to share with my much older Jewish cousin about the Lord. A complaint that she brought up was that she was watching a show about a girl who couldn't get pregnant. She tried everything she could, and then finally took drugs and became pregnant. The lady on the show was like- 'We just really wanted to thank God for giving us these children...' My cousin was like- LADY GOD DIDN'T GET YOU PREGNANT... THE DRUGS DID. GOD COULDN'T GET YOU PREGNANT- THATS WHY YOU TOOK THE DRUGS.

A thought I have been tempted to think is that it is because I made myself look beautiful, curled my hair, and wore the right outfit... or was assertive about being in the right place, or because I baked him stuff.... that I met my most amazing boyfriend.

O the illusion of control... This is a never ending challenge, and it translates to SO many different areas of life. The problem is that I DO have to work and act in order to make things happen. At the same time- I couldn't do one darn thing apart from His magnificent grace!!!! LORD DO NOT LET ME FORGET THIS!!! Thank you Father!!! It is a total mystery to me how you have chosen to work. Thank you for allowing me a part and teach me how to see that appropriately.

"When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. He led you through the vast and dreadful desert, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you. You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today." (Deut 8:10-18)

The PURPOSE of freedom

Exodus 4:22-23
"Then you will say to Pharoah, Thus says the Lord- Israel is my firstborn son. And I say to you, 'Let my son go SO THAT he may serve me."

Lord set me free from sin, bondage, foolishness, and myself so that I can be a more effective servant of You my God! I love that in the Old Testament everything was so outward. Often times a physical picture of a New Testament spiritual reality.

"I run in the path of your commands, for You have set my heart free." (Ps 119:32)

"Set me free from my prison that I may praise your name!" (Ps 142:7)

"If the Son sets you free, you are free indeed!" (John 8:36)

"You have been set free from sin and become slaves to righteousness." (Romans 6:18)

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free..." (Galatians 5:1)

"For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant." (Hebrews 9:15)

"Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God." (1 Peter 2:16)

"To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood, and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father—to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen." (Revelation 1:6)

I exist... human, woman, student, blogger.

This morning I was reading in Genesis... a lot of material to meditate on.

"And the Lord appeared to him (Abraham) by the oaks of Mamre, as he sat at the door of his tent at the heat of the day..." (ch 18:1)

Imagine this scene. WHAT WAS ABRAHAM DOING? Just chilling in his tent, looking around, maybe being lazy, siesta-ing... whatever. What did they do in general in Bible times? And why/what are we so busy doing!? Seriously. We are such a SMALL piece of God's picture- such little worms- I was thinking about that as I read- what do I spend all my time doing?! We really feel like we have to be doing something to glorify God. We don't even have to be thinking about God to be glorifying him. A married couple can have sex for the glory of God without consciously thinking that the act is currently glorifying God and worshipping Him. Just by enjoying eachother and doing something God created them to do. I can work or walk or lay on a blanket outside and watch the clouds go by to the glory of God even if Im not meditating on the awesome fact that He created them. I think sometimes we attribute works or try to think up ways that we are glorifying God in our daily lives. Like I CAN do this for the glory of God IF while Im doing it I am consciously thinking about Him and worshipping him while I do it. In actuality our very LIFE and existence glorifies our creator. Just because He made us...

"For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him.”

"So Paul teaches us that Jesus Christ created all that is. They were created through him. All that came into being exists for Christ—that is, it exists to display the greatness of Christ. Nothing—nothing!—in the universe exists for its own sake. Everything from the bottom of the oceans to the top of the mountains, from smallest particle to the biggest star, from the most boring school subject to the most fascinating science, from the ugliest cockroach to the most beautiful human, from the greatest saint to the most wicked genocidal dictator—everything that exists, exists to make the greatness of Christ more fully known" -John Piper

Also really thought about Abraham's intercession for Sodom and what that teaches me about the character of God. I don't know. Im not going to look it up for an immediate answer either. Lord reveal to me slowly as I meditate and ponder on the application of that Scripture. But it is just interesting to note Abraham's fear as he approaches God. He pleads- O let not the Lord be angry! Several times- and each time the Lord responds with grace and SIMPLICITY. Does not even acknowledge Abraham's fear- just answers his requests with the answer I will not destroy it. I see God so constant and steady here- so good! I don't even really see how people can get confused at God changing his mind- God never even declares He is going to destory the city before Abraham starts interceeding... And this is BEFORE our great intercessor and the promise of Hebrews 4:16. How much more so can we come to Him? Sigh. AMEN. BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE YOU LORD!

Man.

A few side notes just from my day I really feel a strong desire to learn more about Israel and the MYSTERY regarding the people of God- his covenant, the history, the prophecy...
Another FYI. I love being a girl and femininity, long hair... Thankful to be a woman.
ALSO thankful to see growth in my own theology as I post and the Holy Spirit reveals things to me little by little. I love blogging. I wonder how many of my posts are "off" so to speak... Lord may your Holy Spirit be my teacher. Thank you for your marvelous word and for the gift of life and breath. May we learn how to abide and dwell in futility, existing for your glory!

Happy 2009!

WOW. Its intimidating to commence the first post of 2009... its gotta be good right? Deep? Profound? Significant?

HENCE I am just getting it over with by posting some good quotes from some neat men... and then I can revert back to my less articulate musings. ;) Thankful to be able to blog.

"Sin is despair, for sin is not the wildness of flesh and blood, but it is the spirit's consent thereto."
-Soren Kierkegaard

"You will never become what you are not becoming." -Harvey Hartman

"The point of having an open mind, like having an open mouth, is to close it on something solid." -G. K. Chesterton